Hello, my dear friends! Out topic today is how to not give a FUCK in the stressful situations 🙂 how to be confident and calm, act and speak normally, and not to be nervous.
A normal person usually has daily routine, like eating, shopping, going to work, hanging out with friends – something that we do very often and are used to. And from time to time we have special situations, decisive moments like job interview, first date, important negotiations or public speech. These are the situations when we need to present ourselves well and put our best foot forward, to get this job, win this deal and sell ourselves. We need to be super confident, because the confidence attracts people.
But very often the opposite happens 🙂
Instead of being confident we get nervous, we can’t speak normally, our hands are shaking, we loose our confidence and are not able to present ourselves well. Sounds familiar?
For me too – I’ve done many public speeches, many times I stood up on stage in front of hundreds of people, I’ve been on radio and television and today I will share with you my tips on how to minimize the stress and stop giving a shit in such moments.
In the stressful situation we have a lot of adrenaline released into the blood.
Adrenaline triggers the blood vessels to contract to re-direct blood toward major muscle groups, including the heart and lungs – this is why our breathing accelerates, the heart starts beating like crazy and our hands start to shake. This mechanism was meant to help us in the situations when our life is in danger, like escaping from a tiger for example. In such case adrenaline would make us run faster 🙂 But there are lot of ordinary stressful situations, when our life is not in danger, but we have the same level of adrenaline, which prevents us from thinking clearly and speaking normally.
It becomes very obvious that we are nervous. And this is exactly what we don’t want to show, right? 🙂
Is it possible to do something about it? Yes, it is. But we will need to tell our brain that this situation is not stressful, so that our body doesn’t produce so much adrenaline.
Here are my tips:
1. This is not your last chance in life
The first tip – you need to tell yourself that this situation is not super important. Most of the times we get nervous because we realize how important the moment is, and how it can change our life. In our eyes it is so huge! But you need to think the opposite. This is not so important. And this job interview is not your last chance in life. If you have a job interview or business negotiations – you need to go there with an attitude that you have the other options. The world will not collapse if you don’t win this deal, or don’t get hired. There will be other opportunities. Nobody will die. So don’t be afraid to hear NO. If they say «no» – fine, it’s their loss, you will find a better option 🙂
2. You need to feel yourself as equal partner
The second tip – You need to feel yourself as equal partner. Important stressful situations often involve 2 sides – you and the «potential partner». It can be hiring company or a person you want to invite for a date. And in our mind the potential partner is so big and important, and everything will depend on his or her decision. You don’t even need to say that loud, it’s in the air. It’s the same as if you would say: «you are so big, so important to me, and I am so small and miserable, please pick me!». Believe me, this road leads to nowhere.
It takes two equal sides to have successful partnership or healthy relationships.
Plus, you need to consider yourself an equal partner to feel more confident and present yourself well. It’s not only them who will decide. They will be making a decision, and you will be making your decision too. They will be evaluating you, and you will be evaluating them as well. Maybe you will not agree, maybe it doesn’t fit you at all – you will see. Tell yourself that you are also big and important, you will feel much more confident.
3. Practice – turn the stressful situation into your daily routine
The third tip – practice practice practice – turn the stressful situation into your daily routine. Very often we get nervous, because the situation is not typical, it’s not part of our daily routine and we are not used to such situations. I have a good news for you – the more you practice, the less stress you feel. If you go on stage for the first time in life – you might feel very nervous, but if it is part of your profession and you repeat it many times – this stress and fear will go away itself after some time, because it will become part of your normal everyday life – you will get used to it, you will know exactly what to do and what to expect.
I had a period in life when I was unemployed and I was looking for a job. When I got invited to my first job interview, I was very nervous and I couldn’t speak normally, my hands were shaking. But after 15 interviews I didn’t give a shit, it was just another conversation with someone from HR. And eventually I got a very good job.
And I also have a few practical exercises which help me to overcome stress QUICKLY or avoid it at all:
4. Focus on something good which will be after this stressful situation
I try to focus on something which will be after the stressful situation. For example if I have a stressful presentation – I tell myself that this presentation will end in just one or two hours, and I will go eat some ice cream afterwards. I focus on the ice cream, the presentation is not so important
5. Don’t drink coffee or energy drinks
I don’t drink coffee or energy drinks before important meeting. I know, coffee makes us awake, sometimes we think it will help, but we need to remember that it also stimulates nervous system, so it will increase the feeling of stress.
6. Don’t drink or eat too much
If I have a stressful situation coming up, I don’t drink at all and eat very little – so I don’t need to go to toilet in the most important moment of my public speech for example 🙂
7. Prepare beforehand
I noticed that if I feel unprepared and try to prepare in the last minute – I get more nervous. So if I have important presentation or public speech, I try to prepare beforehand. So in the last minutes I can focus on the ice cream.
8. Wear the clothes you feel comfortable wearing
I try to wear the clothes I feel comfortable wearing, so I know I look good. They don’t have to be super expensive or exclusive, rather the opposite – I need to be used to them, so I feel like on the normal day. I don’t want to be distracted by the thoughts like «How do I look in this pants which I have never worn before».
Hopefully this was useful and you could find something that you can apply. Let me know what you think and share your own ways to calm down and get rid of stress. Please let me know what helps you in such situations!
I wish you a very good week, and see you soon! 🙂